Say Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

You know, growing up the son of an orthodontist, I have had every sort of dental appliance in my mouth. I had braces (complete with multi-color rubberbands), a retainer, a headgear, and countless mouthfuls of that impression putty. Talk about leaving a bad taste in your mouth. It's no wonder I had put off going to the dentist for years.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know you are supposed to go twice a year to get your teeth cleaned and what not, so you don't end up doing denture cream commercials at the age of 40. But every time I got up the nerve to actually make an appointment, I'd have flashbacks of drills and that annoying grinding sound and feeling like I was going to drown in my own spit. Back in the days of my youth (gracious, it's finally happened..I now sound like my father!), going to the dentist usually involved untold amounts of pain and suffering. They'd say "you'll just feel a little pinch", and then stick it to you. And there you would lie, wishing they would just amputate your lower jaw and be done with it. Two weeks ago, I had an excrutiating toothache, and decided it was finally time to assume the position in that lime green chair, and deal with whatever fate the gods of plaque and enamel dealt me.

Soothing music, soft spoken personnel, warm colors everywhere. I knew this was all a ploy to lull me into a false sense of security about my upcoming cavity search. No sooner had I sat in the chair and been draped with the obligatory spit-bib than they dropped the bomb on me. A root canal!!!! From what I knew of the procedure, they were going to have to strap me into the chair and club me with a 2x4 to knock me out. I couldn't have been more wrong. The dentist placed some numbing gel in my mouth for a few seconds, and then said the proverbial words. "This will feel like a little mosquito bite." I tensed up, ready to feel like I just bit down on the mother of all bumble bees. And to my surprise, I didn't feel a thing! I don't know what was in that gel, but it became my new best friend. An hour and a half later, I was set free. Drooling everywhere and talking out of the side of my face. Other than the fact that for a couple of hours I looked like I had lost all muscle control in the right side of my face, I didn't have any problems.

I went back this morning to get fitted for the temporary crown. In two weeks, I'll have a nice new shiny piece of porcelain to reflect off of my tongue ring. After that comes the cleaning. If they give me more of that magical gel, they can just rip them out, bleach them, and glue them back in for all I care!

Ooh ooh ooh...only two more hours until I can eat something. Guess I'll be saving this king-sized Snickers bar for another day!