You Are What You Eat

According to the USDA food pyramid, someone of my advanced aged should be consuming 3 cups of vegetables a day. 1 cup of raw (grody) or cooked (blech) vegetables or vegetable juice (gag), or 2 cups of raw leafy greens (read: salad) can be considered as 1 cup from the vegetable group. While I certainly understand the nutritional value of having a well rounded diet, the thought of eating vegetables on a daily basis makes me want to blow chunks. I love them to Reese's Pieces, but I'm placing the blame for this one on my parents. Growing up, they always made sure we had veggies on an almost daily basis. And depending on the vegetable, the battle would begin.

I was good with eating corn, green beans, and salad. But on the days where we had broccoli, asparagus, cabbage, or (god forbid) okra, you would have thought they were trying to get me to eat freshly dug up dirt. I would push them around the plate to give the appearance of having eaten a little, hoping to fool my parents into thinking I'd gotten at least an inkling of nutrition. Of course that never worked. Inevitably I would hear the words that I am sure every mother has uttered to their child. "You are not getting up from the table until you have cleaned your plate." Rats, foiled again. Which meant that I would sit there alone at the table, my sisters having managed to scarf down their daily intake of icky stuff and run off to greener pastures, far far away from the land of the Jolly Green Giant. On many an occasion, I sat there for more than an hour, trying to telepathically will my mother into releasing me from my self-imposed prison. I would try holding my nose while I chewed, covering them in any kind of sauce I could find in the fridge, chugging lemonade to cleanse my palate after every bite. Eventually I would manage to eat enough to satisfy mom, and would leave the table praying that I didn't regurgitate the mound of soggy, mushy food (I'm showing my age here, but this was before everyone got on the steamed veggie locomotive). I learned the hard way that if that happened, I would have to return to my seat at the table and start the battle all over again.

Well, I'm all grown up now (but still quite the kid) and, truth be told, if I never had to eat certain vegetables again I'd be as pleased as punch. Don't get me wrong, when served them, I will eat them. I know they are good for me, full of nutrients and what not. But hey, I take a daily multivitamin. Giving me all my daily recommended allowances of vitamins A through Z, right? So I say boo-yah to you, Mr. J.G. Giant.

Now if anyone needs me, I'm going to go grab a burger and fries. And a side salad, just to make mom and dad feel good.