Who Dressed You This Morning?

The Oscars were recently awarded. And aside from the 5 big awards that everyone anticipated (sadly there were no surprises this year; I was hoping a monkey would run away with Best Supporting Actor or something), a huge part of the night belonged to the red carpet. Or should I say, what people wore on the red carpet. There seems to be no middle ground with celebrities and their choice of attire for this event. It's either look absolutely stunning and hot (Hallie Berry, Sandra Bullock, Justin Timberlake, ) or look absolutely wretched (Helena Bonham Carter, Nicole Kidman). Which brings me to my topic today.

I'm sitting here at Starbucks, doing some serious people watching. If Joan Rivers were here she'd have enough material for a couple of episodes of 'Fashion Police'. Now I realize that this is just Starbucks. No one here is about to walk up onto a stage and give an acceptance speech (or randomly drop the f-word and then pretend to look shocked and embarrassed). But seriously folks. Some of these people cannot have looked in the mirror this morning and thought "Damn, I look good today!" Yes, we live in an age of comfort and what not, but are plaid pajama bottoms really appropriate wear for meeting your girlfriends out for a latte and a scone? And you missy, the one sitting over by the fireplace. We are not a Fortune Cookie restaurant, you are not a geisha, take the damn pencils out of your hair. Although if you are so absent minded as to have to stuff your wig with writing utensils in order to remember where they are, you probably have bigger problems than trying to put together a knock-'em-dead outfit. Ooh ooh ooh...can someone please tell me when men wearing skinny jeans with clown-sized shoes became the IN thing? You look like an anorexic platypus.

I know that sometimes making a fashion faux pas is unavoidable due to circumstance. A friend of mine recently tweeted about the looks she was getting while running a few errands after leaving a dance rehearsal. Yes, some folks might have thought she was homeless, what with her wearing an off the shoulder shirt and capri pants with an oddly placed hole or two. So I really shouldn't judge the folks here. Everyone has a story. This Starbucks is in the heart of Midtown Atlanta, gay central and located right next to the LA Fitness. But please sir, could you at least have the decency to put on a dry shirt rather than that sweat soaked one with the armpit stains? You'll never get a date looking like that. While you are at it, put on some underwear the next time you go out in gym shorts. This isn't the Peek-A-Boo lounge. And you are not doing yourself any favors. I'm just saying...

I don't expect to see people dressed to the nines as they go about their daily routines. I'd just rather not be visually assaulted by those who are fashion challenged. My grandfather was known to mow the front lawn in a shirt and tie. A few of you could take a lesson.

Now, if anyone needs me, I'm going to go home and put on something that will make everyone in Kroger stop in their tracks and say "Damn!" Hopefully in a good way.